When I tell people about my planned drive to Alaska, they often remark, "Ah, a Travels-with-Charley trip, " referring, of course, to John Steinbeck's 1960 10,000-mile, three-month, 40-state road journey with his little black poodle dog, Charley, documented in his 1962 book of that name. As memorable and wonderful as that book was, let me set the record straight right away and say that this is no Travels-with-Charley trip for at least seven reasons.
First, my trip will be almost 16,000 miles, 20,000 when you include part I, our travels to the end-of-the-road in Labrador, the real starting point of the trip.
Second, Steinbeck traveled in relative luxury compared to what we will be traveling in. For his trip, Steinbeck bought a new GMC pickup, which he fitted with a custom-made camper. Even if the two books that came out recently questioning whether Steinbeck actually slept in his camper (who actually cares?), his camper was luxurious enough compared to what we sleep in. 0n my luxury scale, with 10.0 being the fanciest luxury hotel in the world, Steinbeck's camper was a 9.1; my three tents, as nice as they are, come in at 1.2, 1.3, and 1.4. With no disrespect meant to Steinbeck, who all but admitted this himself, a tenting road trip is almost as low as you can go.
Third, Steinbeck's supposed theme of his trip was in Search of America. Heck, I'm trying to escape America. If you want to find America, just surf your TV any evening during prime time. Like it or not, that's America, because we are what we watch on TV. Beyond that, the road from DC to Prudhoe Bay is 5100 miles, depending upon what route one takes. All but 1100 miles of that is through Canada, so I can tell you right now that you are not going to fine America on the way. Moreover, when you get to Alaska, on the 700 miles you will cross there, you'll come to only one settlement, Fairbanks, of more than a handful of people. And finally, most Alaskans proudly and purposefully try to distinguish themselves from being considered plain-vanilla Americans. That's why they live there. Just look at the most famous Alaskan ever, Sarah Palin, if you do not believe me.
Fourth, by concealing from his readers that he actually traveled most of his trip with a human companion, his concerned wife, Steinbeck was admitting that traveling solo on such a long trip is really a big deal, and not because you have no one with whom to share the multitudinous and arduous chores of the journey. The real reason is that you have no one's thoughts but your own to hear for 92 percent of the day, or to keep your own thoughts from going over the edge, and even the remaining time is spent with strangers with whom you share such profound thoughts as the weather, the price of gas, where you might buy some fresh groceries, and, for better or for worse these days, how far it is to the closest Walmart. (The answer to the latter these days always seems to be less than 90 miles.). If I had time on these trips to sit down with people and ponder the state of America, I could justly be accused of having too much time on my hands. For Christ's sake, I don't even have time to ponder the state of my Defender or tent most days.
Fifth, Steinbeck and, as we have learned recently, his wife, had the comfort of their little black poodle, Charley, as a companion. What a joy that must have been. But, look, I never met Charley, and I'm sure he was a wonderful dog (if, indeed, he actually existed, that is), but Charley is no Leben and Erde, my two sibling, 12-year old German Shepherd dogs, 110 and 80 pounds, respectively, the former of whom is paralyzed. Enough said.
Sixth, the year Steinbeck published his still-famous book, he was awarded the Nobel Prize in Literature, in part because of the commercial success of that book. Let me be frank. I have no intention of seeking, nor will I accept, any Nobel prize for Literature, Peace, or anything as the result of what I may write after this trip. Heck, I didn't even have time to finish unpacking from last year's trip let along write a book. And as far as taking notes on the trip is concerned, there is hardly time to plan the day.
Seventh, I am 16 percent older than Steinbeck was when he made his trip. That speaks for itself.
To summarize, let's say that each of the above factors causes my trip to be twice has difficult as Steinbeck's journey, underestimates, really. That means this trip will be at least two to the seventh power more difficult than his, or 128 times. I hope I do not remember this two days from now as I rethink the trip after I hear about the Denali lottery.
Photo below is of Erde sleeping today at Dean and Deluca in G'town, my weekend office.
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